Finding Hope: My Story

Today is a hard day.  It's been a year of medical tests, of trying new medicine, of changing what I eat, when I eat, how often I eat.  A year of questions with no answers.  Yes, you have Gastroparesis.  No, you don't have Gastroparesis, but we don't really know what is wrong. You have a fibroid on your uterus.  There is no evidence of a fibroid.  You might have PCOS but you don't exhibit all of the symptoms.  I have redefined the term atypical case. It has been a long year of pain, of wondering why now, of wishing and hoping for answers that don't seem to come.  A year of praying to have the strength to make it through one more hour at work, to survive a drive home, or even to just find a place to be in pain and cry and not have people asking what is wrong with me. I stayed home from work again today.  It hurts to even sit up straight, and as I write this, I'm in tears...lots and lots of tears.  I couldn't bear the thought of going t...

Last year I tried to do a "year of ME" and i failed. Spectacularly.  I think overall I did a better job of taking care of me, of intentionally participating in self care and in pursuing things that interest me. But I set my sights too high and had waaaay to big of a focus. So this year, 2018, I am calling the Year for Hope.  I want to build hope in my life.  Hope for the future.  Hope for the present.  Hope for blessings that are to come and a bigger hope that I can survive the hard times. So that's my intention for the year.  We'll see how well I do.