This Apartment
Do you ever have those days? You know the ones that I am talking about, the days where you KNOW you should be doing something productive. I SHOULD be catching up on my homework. I SHOULD be looking for jobs for after graduation.
And yet I can't. I can only sit on this couch in this apartment where so much of my college life has happened. This is the apartment I always ran to when I was having a hard time with my roommates. This is the apartment where I lived with my dearest Lynette. This is the apartment I came back to after my mission. This is the apartment where I cried over boys, over my body, over my health, and over so many things. This is the apartment where my college life happened. Whenever I had to move out of this apartment, I always wanted to be back because it is the one place that truly felt like home during college.
I have been so richly blessed. I am so lucky to have had a place like this to feel the most myself. And so it is with a sense of loss that I think of graduation.
Yes, I am scared. I am scared of that fateful day in April when I will officially receive my college diploma and no longer be able to call myself a college student. I am scared that all of these years here at BYU will have gotten me nowhere. And I am scared to leave this apartment behind. So much of who I am started here. And while I am sure that the next chapter of my life will be exciting, life-altering, etc. etc., well, I also know that the unknown nature of it is terrifying.
And so tonight I will just sit. Just sit and enjoy a night where everything is still the same.
And yet I can't. I can only sit on this couch in this apartment where so much of my college life has happened. This is the apartment I always ran to when I was having a hard time with my roommates. This is the apartment where I lived with my dearest Lynette. This is the apartment I came back to after my mission. This is the apartment where I cried over boys, over my body, over my health, and over so many things. This is the apartment where my college life happened. Whenever I had to move out of this apartment, I always wanted to be back because it is the one place that truly felt like home during college.
I have been so richly blessed. I am so lucky to have had a place like this to feel the most myself. And so it is with a sense of loss that I think of graduation.
Yes, I am scared. I am scared of that fateful day in April when I will officially receive my college diploma and no longer be able to call myself a college student. I am scared that all of these years here at BYU will have gotten me nowhere. And I am scared to leave this apartment behind. So much of who I am started here. And while I am sure that the next chapter of my life will be exciting, life-altering, etc. etc., well, I also know that the unknown nature of it is terrifying.
And so tonight I will just sit. Just sit and enjoy a night where everything is still the same.
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