Finding Hope: My Story

As you all already read, my life has felt pretty blech since fall started. So tonight I decided to do something about it! I texted my roommate (because she is never home and when she is she just skypes her bf) to ask her to simply close the blinds so I can sleep.  I haven't heard back yet, but since passive aggression is up her alley, I am sure that this will be fantastic. THEN I posted on my ward's facebook page about how I feel like the two new buildings (aka me) that got added to our ward needed a little fellowshipping.  I figured that most of the ward would know what this meant since they talk about their mission experiences all the time. Apparently this was "wrong".  I started an epic facebook battle about how their ward is already so inclusive, and shouldn't I just show up at activities and feel included because life is full of rainbows and sunshine. Guess what guys, all I want is FELLOWSHIPPING.  You know, that thing you did as a missionary where ...

Guys. I am so sick and tired of having to adjust. No, but really.  I just want my life to be in a place where I feel secure and settled.  I want to feel like the choices I make based on inspiration are actually going to bring me happiness and not lead me down a path of enduring to the end YET AGAIN. I want to be happy in my apartment and in my ward.  But I constantly feel like the outsider.  Like no matter how hard I try I am not going to fit in. again. GAH this is so hard. Let me back this story up a bit.  My landlord is always coming around to check who wants to stay in which apartments and so forth.  He has two buildings that he manages, and the fact that he learns all of our names always astounds me.  But I digress. During the summer, I was having a hard time with one of my roommates that I knew I would be living with in the Fall (aka now).  My landlord knew about this and asked me many times if I wanted to move.  Part of me was...