What a Difference a Decision Makes
This has been one crazy week. And I wish I could say that I have all the answers. I don't. But I did make one big decision. It may end up being a really stupid decision, but it is what feels right for me right now.
I had the opportunity to try to work in a research lab here on campus. However, I wasn't hired right off the bat, and had to spend time "proving my worth" to the researcher. Which I understand...honestly I do. I think it is unfair, but I understand it at the same time.
I agreed to begin the trial period. I was going to donate my time and work for free for these people to try to change the scores I had repeatedly gotten this semester on my rater reliability so that I could possibly get hired...and I was stressing out
I honestly was more stressed this week than I was during finals or during a Divine Comedy week or anything else. It was awful. I couldn't concentrate at work, I wasn't doing anything useful, and I felt horrible about it. But I didn't know what to do. My body even started freaking out. I haven't been as sick all year as I was this week.
Then yesterday I broke down. It is like my mind and body were telling me that I was DEFINITELY doing the wrong thing for me, but logically I knew that I should stay and do what I "should". That research opportunity could have helped me get in to grad school.
But I gave it up. I let it go. I didn't even want to try. And I don't know why. I might have been able to change my scores. I may have done okay in the lab.
But it wasn't what was right for me right now.
So I emailed the RA and said that I couldn't do it. I let go. I let God influence my life and I listened.
And that is a success.
I had the opportunity to try to work in a research lab here on campus. However, I wasn't hired right off the bat, and had to spend time "proving my worth" to the researcher. Which I understand...honestly I do. I think it is unfair, but I understand it at the same time.
I agreed to begin the trial period. I was going to donate my time and work for free for these people to try to change the scores I had repeatedly gotten this semester on my rater reliability so that I could possibly get hired...and I was stressing out
I honestly was more stressed this week than I was during finals or during a Divine Comedy week or anything else. It was awful. I couldn't concentrate at work, I wasn't doing anything useful, and I felt horrible about it. But I didn't know what to do. My body even started freaking out. I haven't been as sick all year as I was this week.
Then yesterday I broke down. It is like my mind and body were telling me that I was DEFINITELY doing the wrong thing for me, but logically I knew that I should stay and do what I "should". That research opportunity could have helped me get in to grad school.
But I gave it up. I let it go. I didn't even want to try. And I don't know why. I might have been able to change my scores. I may have done okay in the lab.
But it wasn't what was right for me right now.
So I emailed the RA and said that I couldn't do it. I let go. I let God influence my life and I listened.
And that is a success.
Yay for Megan!!!!! I think you made the right decision for you and I commend you on it. You have a solid head on your shoulders, and a beautiful, intelligent heart inside you! Love you!
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