Finding Hope: My Story

That's the noise that went off in my head as I stared at my score on that fancy screen in the testing center.  A 93%.  I feel like the last time I got a 93% on a test here at my beautiful university, I was a lowly freshman who wasn't working.  I wasn't doing extracurricular activities like stage managing the funniest sketch comedy group ever. I did it.  I got a 93%.  And I did so with a migraine and a tummy ache.  And soggy shoes...thank you weather. It just goes to show what can happen when you force yourself to roll out of bed, out on your comfiest sweatshirt and face the world. Success.

I made it out of bed today. And then I made it to the shower.  And then I made it out of the shower and all the way through getting ready. But I almost didn't make it to class. And then I did. Success

I hate Saturday studying.  Like really hate it.  I don't know why, but it is so hard for me to focus on Saturdays. It is like all my brain wants to do is this ..................................................................................................... But today I am getting things accomplished. Success

And ate and ate and ate. Which is not good.  But that pasta was oh so delicious and I just did NOT want to stop eating my dinner.  Especially when I was in the company of such good friends! But man-oh-man was I feeling it later. And then I didn't.  I was amazed.  My body digested my dinner!  Hip hip hooray!  I wanted to throw myself a party and eat more dinner. But I didn't eat.  Because that would be dumb.

That's right world, I got up. Big deal, maybe not to you, but I've been sick for the past four days and I really just wanted to stay in bed today.  Not get up and go to class.  Not go to work.  Not shower.  Not face the world.  Not go to tap and learn a new and reallysuperfastcan'tmoveyourfeetinthatmotionatthatpace kind of dance. But I did it. I got up, and showered. Succcess

Have you ever had those days where you just don't know how you do it?  Today was one of those days. I was beat.  Run through.  Done it.  And then to top it all off, I felt cruddy.  Well, not all day, just at the end of the day when people needed me most.  And then when I had to focus in class. And right when I was feeling this uddy-cruddy-yucky-gross-wanttopassoutsoIdon'thavetofeelthisway feeling (I know, I am so complex), I remembered something my professor said this morning.  She was talking about her sister who went through so much worse things than I (hopefully) will ever go through.  Anyway, my professor said something that really stuck out to me.  "Often we aren't healed.  But we are strengthened.  We can’t give up...we have to look for the moments where we are strengthened, where the Savior fills in the gaps where we are weak, where he makes up the difference." Now, this is taken from my class notes, people, so don't judg...

Today I realized that I don't know how to spell triumph.  In fact, I spelled it truimph and did not even realize it for a whole almost 24 hours.  So instead I am going to say that I have successes because that is a word that I can spell. I'm in college.  Really I am. In other news...I got out of bed and got dressed this morning.  How is that a success, megan, you may be wondering.  Well, because I was waging a war (see, always a war...isn't my life fun to read about?) over getting out of bed and doing what I am supposed to do today, or staying in bed because my body hurt and bed is where sick people get to be when they hurt.  BUT!  I finally decided that I MUST GET UP.  I MUST WIN.  I must eat a delicious breakfast.  So I did. Success.

That's right folks, I made it an entire Sunday afternoon without a nap. Why is this a triumph?  Well, here is the reason behind this blog.  I was serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints up until October 18, 2011.  I almost made it a year on my mission before I was completely incapacitated by an illness called gastroparesis.  My mission was riddled with illness, I had to have my gall bladder taken out in June of 2011.  Now, I don't say any of this to make you feel bad for me, rather I say this because I have decided, today in fact while I was NOT taking my nap, that I was going to look for a triumphant moment daily.  What is a triumph?  Well, this is what the dictionary told me when I asked it. 1. the   act,   fact,   or   condition   of   being   victorious   or   triumphant ;   victory;   conquest. 2. a   significant   success   or   n...